Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Randomize
