I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
