Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
