Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
