so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
