well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Randomize
