I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
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