the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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