I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
