Taylor Swift is so right about you.
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
