I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize