I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
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