Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
