Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
