No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Randomize
