$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
