i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Randomize
