it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
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