She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
