I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
he fucked my hip out of place.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
