i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
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