I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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