I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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