Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
