I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Randomize
