guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
