I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Randomize
