She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
