Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
