literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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