Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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