Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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