You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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