Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
