eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
