In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
