Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Randomize
