SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
if i died would you start the facebook group?
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
The Olympian is in my bed
FUCK WHALES
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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