Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Randomize
