At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
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