so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
