Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
He? As in you personified your dick?
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Randomize
