Your mouth is God's brothel.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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