i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
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