So I think I might still secretly love him despite the ass licking...
Hey ass licking is a very nice and intimate thing! Don't discredit your feelings
But what if he licks everyones ass?
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
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