I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize