It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Who died my cat blue again?
Randomize
