I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize