I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
that's an acceptable place to lick
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize
