i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
