Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
