If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
You took a bar mat shot.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
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