Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
If that was your dad, he is hot
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Randomize
