STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
