Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
