i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Randomize
