the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Randomize
