so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Randomize
