I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
We left the knife in your bed.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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