we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Randomize
