Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
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