It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
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