You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
